Not your average fish. Life’s short, do everything ( today ). regret nothing, harm no one..........  well that sounds pretty boring. So now to lighten up.

Although I do tell people I am divorced the truth is I court her playing with a toy . I was afraid I might become redundant so before that could happen I killed her and buried her under a tree in the back yard. The only good thing she taught me was how to breathe through my ears and to have a pretencile tongue.

I do have a slight problem when p-ing. I have to be careful not to stand on my knob. Some people think I have three legs and the pain is going away now that I am not using it to bang in nails.

I do come with a speed controller on my head if you want me to go faster or slower and if I am running out of puff all you have to do is ram a fresh battery up my ass. I am easy to carry because I am fully inflatable so all you have to do is retrieve me from your bag and blow me up. Although my blow up value is in a rather unusual place. It may require you to get down on your knees. I don’t require a lot of attention and are not afraid of the dark so keeping me in your handbag and only getting me out when the mood takes you is no problem.

Of course you know that is all shit ........ .......or is it 🤔